Hello brothers and sister

I have a problem with lust I would say that it’s the sin I struggle with the most. I don’t like it my brain tells me no stop but it’s just like a routine sometimes. Like I said I don’t like it I hate it but I just feel like no matter how many times I try I’m always back to square 1. I feel like gods mad at me and I’ve just been thinking that I don’t deserve to pray or ask for forgiveness and that’s I e gone to far. I just feel like gods all like bro what are you doing man I told you what to do. I’m scared I’m afraid that this list is gonna turn me into a bad person which I don’t want to become. I’m afraid this will affect my relationship as well. I think this has also got me to not really like why I see in the mirror. I’m fat I’m ugly and I’m stupid and I try to be smart but I fall flat on my butt again and again. It’ll be cool to get a girlfriend one day but I just feel like that I’m worth it and that I’m just a dumb fat loser. I’m tired and I just don’t know what to do and I look at other Christian’s online and see that they have it all figured out and I get angry at myself for not being the same way. I want to get closer to god and become a better but like I said I feel like I don’t deserve it. I’m sorry for the trauma dump but I just don’t know what to do but I just feel ugly and stupid and I just don’t know what to do. But I hope you all are doing good and are having a great day.