Hello Brothers and Sisters

It’s honestly been a really long time since I been on here but I’m hoping to fallow god again. I’d say these last 6 months I’ve been struggling with some stuff. One thing I’d say is my biggest struggle right now is lust. In my heart I don’t want to do it but I feel like it has become a routine. I put myself into those situations where I do lust and sure it feels good for like 1 second but after that I just feel really gross. Another thing I have been struggling with is intrusive thoughts. These thought come into my brain and say bad and hatful things about others but I feel like thought thoughts are not mine and in my heart I don’t feel like those hateful thoughts are true and right after those thoughts come into my brain I feel guilty because I don’t want to hate others and it feel like I’m going to war everyday. And another thing is that I talk down to myself all of the time because some days I don’t think I look handsome or slender I just feel like I look disgusting and ugly. And I also feel like my best friend thinks I’m a total idiot so I don’t try to compete with him but I do sometimes try show him and say hey I can be smart as well but then everytime I fall flat on my face and make a fool out of myself. I know this was a lot to read but I’m just hoping for some guidance because all of you guys are smart and I’m just hoping to find out what should I do. I want to be more like Jesus but some days after I sin I just feel completely unworthy of his love so I don’t repent and just think that he’s mad at me. Thank you for taking the time to read brothers and sisters and I hope you guys have a great day.