You have to flee. Not walk away, not slowly back out, not half-heartedly, promise to do better next time.. you HAVE to flee. You can not fight it. This isn't just about habit or urges; it's about bondage. Spiritual chains that wrap around you so quietly and gradually that you dont even realize how heavy you've become until it feels impossible to move. impossible to break out from. Thats how this spirit of lust works. Lust doesn't just show up and leave. It starts somewhere, like it started with me when I was 7. My friend told me about sex, innocent curiosity led me to pictures no child should see. That opened a door way. It remained open. Lust waits, until it can feed and grow more control over you. Every video you watch, every image you look at, every thought you flirt with, feeds it. The more you feed it, the more power it has. For me it started young, I didnt even understand what I was doing at first. Thought it was a normal human behavior. I didnt know that everytime I touched myself, every video I watched, every image, every thought I entertained, added a link to this already growing chain. You cant fight a war when you're in bondage. Thats what I tried to do. This went on for years from the age 11-14. I watched cheesy love stories, until that grew into explicit videos. I wasn't into porn videos, I was more into drawings.. like Manga, I suppose. But by the time I learned that what I was doing what wrong, that it was hurting God's heart, I was already too deep in that hole I allowed to be dug into. I wanted to stop, but I couldn't. I felt ashamed, dirty, embarrassed, distant from God. Told myself many times "never again" always fell days later. Recycled over and over, until i stopped caring, stopped repenting. What was the point? I fell into depression, SH, Anxiety. Things I still struggle with today. I used to cry out to God to take away these desires, these urges. But I didnt realize I was still holding onto it. I hadn't let go, I didnt want to let go at heart, I still loved the sin. God didnt take it from me because I had to want HIM. I had to choose him, to chase after him, to deny myself. And its not about "trying harder" its about recognizing what This actually is.. its not harmless like the world makes it out to be. It's not "normal" its a spiritual trap designed to keep you bound, ashamed, and distant from God. And the enemy will use your own emotions to keep you there.. he'll whisper temptation into your mind when you're sad, lonely, vulnerable.. you fall into it, then he'll go right back around and go: "why did you do that? How could you do that? You're disgusting, unwanted, unloved. You cant go back to Christ, there's no point on trying again." It's manipulation. Spiritual abuse. But God doesnt work like that. Jesus never said: "come to me when youre clean." He said "come to me and I will make you clean." You cant fight this on your own. And thats what I had to learn..I always fell because I trusted myself. I lacked faith. But you cant fight a fleshly battle with your flesh. Your flesh is just as demonic. You need God, but you also have to be willing to let go. To stop playing with the sin and start fighting against it, with him. Satan cant destroy what he didnt create, so he manipulates it. Sex is this beautiful thing that God created for a married couple, male and female, to bring their souls together and glorify him. Satan took that and manipulated it for this selfish act you commit alone, isolated, and in secret. When I was 14 I was laying in bed one night, when I had this urge to look up male parts. And this will sound silly, but im thankful I listened. The pictures led me to the cite. It wasn't drawings like I was used to, it was the real deal. But I didnt feel pleasure, satisfaction, or comfort..for the first time my eyes were opened. Every video I clicked, every live I watched, I was in tears out of this intense feeling of conviction. THIS is what I was trapped in. THIS is what I chose over Christ! Fell on my knees that night and repented. Cried myself to sleep. Never went back. But I was still struggling with masturbation. Something I couldnt go 3 days without, something that was on my mind all the time. About 4-5 months ago, everything changed for me. I was about to fall into sin, when I remembered a video I saved. It was a girl sharing her testimony on how she defeated lust. It opened my eyes.. she explained that every time you fell into that sin, it would open a portal, allow demons to mess with you. Which made sense: i was tired constantly, I was depressed, my family fought, there was no peace in the house, in my head. She shared how one night she woke up to a demon literally raping her. I couldnt finish that video, because I felt this overwhelming disgust, anger.. just. I cant explain it, but I physically gagged and ran out of that room and something was chasing me. Something was in that room; i felt it. It was angry, I knew it was. It knew I wouldnt ever come back. Fell on my knees outside, begged for forgiveness. I was ready to let go, I fled from it. And I will NEVER go back. Satan gives you temporary pleasure to keep you coming back for more, to pretend to fill whatever hole you have inside of you, because he knows that Christ has something eternal. Youre not alone in this, youre not dirty, youre not too far gone. But you have to choose. You have to want freedom more than you want the comfort that sin pretends to offer. Because sin will always dress itself up to look comforting, it promises to make you feel better, but it always leaves you more broken. Here are some verses that helped me: 1 Corinthians 6:18. Galatians 5:16. James 4:7. Matthew 5:29 and psalm 119:9. Also, try worship music when youre tempted. Turn on music that shifts the atmosphere. Say the name of Jesus out loud. Even whispering "Jesus help me" breaks something in the spirit. Thats what I do.. I still have temptations and desires, I just say "Jesus take this from me" and get up and do something. It works. And finally, dont wait to "feel" strong enough. Obedience comes first. The Strength follows. Let him God won't force you to flee, that is your choice to make. But hes always there. Im here for you, I love you and im praying for you. Youre not weak for struggling. Youre strong for fighting and seeking how to turn from it. Don't give up. God sees you, loves you and wants to free you. Let him.

i am only a young boy so i cant, need to eat well so i grow

Are you fasting while reading his Word? It's very powerful but you have to meet God halfway. It's not the same as praying. You don't have to fast for days, just postpone one meal then eat later.