Your sins are forgiven by Jesus Christ. You will not be anxious if you are grateful, as people say it is not possible to be both at once. I've felt that way before, it's hard. Conviction and confliction. You're scared to go all in, but scared to not go all in. Just pray a prayer that one of my pastors taught me. God, help me want you more. Help me need you more.. and God will do it. You, clearly are a believer, and there is much to work on, but there's no need to worry. We still have time left. No one knows the day of the hour, regardless of what people say. The rapture may be soon, but not as soon as your think. We have not yet seen all the signs. Just believe in God. Do it when you don't feel like it, when you feel spiritually numb. Do it when you're confused and when you doubt. God is worth it, believe me, and if you start to actually love him, there is no way he will let one of his followers, even if they fear, go to hell. Don't forget that he loves all of humanity, even with everything they do. His best followers used to be the worst people. God bless you

First, you start being kind to others and remove all of the bad things that'll lead you astray from his path, and have the mindset that 'I will do this for him'. Jesus Christ died on the cross for us, and I think we should love each other as neighbors. The reason why you never felt the peace, is because you search for it. The Lord often gives when the receiver does not expect. Because you don't ask for peace, it is God's Gift to us all. He will give it to you once you continue to do the will of the father wholeheartedly, and be kind to others, and so is all of his commandments. Once the new pope sets in, I planned to change for the better, too. For God. We can do this, my brother. Proverbs 3:5-6 explains: “Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to Him, and He will make your paths straight.”