Hey brother, its normal to feel a certain way bout the past, but think about it this way, even though you feel this way, you cant change the past, reflecting on the past really only damages you mentally, you can only move foward from here, be better than the version of you yesterday. Always look to Jesus for guidance because even if he seems distant or gone, he is there with you. Also, think about it this way, no matter what happens, regardless of how unfair it is, or how terrible it is, there is something good that comes from bad situations, even if its small. In the dark there is always the light, yku yourself have to look and find it. Love you brother, May God Be With You and i pray you get better.