I ask for help in my walk With God I struggle with relying on him when I have fear and anxiety, and I feel like lately I've just been so distant from him and I want to just get to know him and love him and see him as a friend. But lately, I feel like I've been so distant and I've had no energy and been so tired that I'm not getting closer to him or even praising and worshiping him and I feel like something is stopping me. I'm not sure what and I've confessed sin and I'm not sure what else could be stopping me. Now that I type this the only thing I can think of is, that I did it with someone multiple times and it was wrong but I enjoyed it. The bad thing is he has a girlfriend too. I regret that as much as I miss it and it's wrong to miss it and I regret cheating on people too and I realized there was this older person who I dated kinda me and I talked dirty. Also, I cheat on one of my exes. I just need to repent from all my sins but I'm scared because I've done so much wrong and it feels good to admit it and I need to let the dark come to light and start anew. But I'm so lost and feel hopeless even though I love God and he does so many great things. In addition, I'm a huge hypocrite and hate social media pornography and a boyfriend yet this is what leads me to my lustful desires. I call out people for doing things then I do the same thing. I have drank before and smoked and I feel so hopeless and want to be a good Christian but how can I after everything I've done? I've played vitamins and told half-truths and used to cuss and listen to rap then with the same mouth praise and worship God. I've said oh my gosh but the other word and stuff which is wrong. I've sinned and committed every sin I've had snap knowing I should not and I snuck out to meet a boy and dated many Boys I had suicidal thoughts when I was younger and talked to old strangers. I crave male action for whatever reason and want to do it with the dude who has a girlfriend still and can't get over him. I find myself having sinful dirty thoughts and saying rude things. I've been rude and cheated and lied, hurt people I cared about for my benefit cheated on tests used AI for school work stayed up passed when I was supposed to, and took alcohol. I feel unlovable and like God wants nothing to do with me since I sin every day. I'm not sure how to stop either than posting it publicly like this. I'm getting baptized in a few months but what if I'm unworthy of getting baptized and unworthy of praying and reading God's word? I'm so obsessed with what others think and I'm a huge people pleaser and I can't stop this and I don't know what to do. how can I be a child of God when I do this. how do I move forward with God not alone.