I feel like my personality is really bad. I feel crushed by guilt over what I've done, and it exhausts me. Sometimes I wonder if it would be easier if I distanced myself from the Lord, but that's not the case at all. Unpleasant thoughts and condescending attitudes towards others appear in my mind, making it painful, and I feel like I'm not loved by God, that I'm not worthy of God with such a dirty self, and that I don't deserve blessings. Even in such a situation, I feel that I am receiving God's infinite love, blessings, and grace. However, I feel like I saw a future in a dream where I saddened Jesus and ended up on the enemy's side. It's very painful, and I want to stop living a self-centered life, a life that doesn't value God, and activities that are the opposite of humility, like looking down on others. I want people to pray for me and for those who feel the same pain as I do. Also, please teach me what I can do.