I don’t know what’s wrong with me and I’m terrified I’m not a true believer and don’t “truly” believe and have real, true faith now and forever from God/Jesus and all I want and need is to belong to Him eternally!! I’m so scared and don’t know what He thinks of me!! I’m so scared to die too and I’m wasting my life and so incredibly disgusting and disgusted with myself.

I dont know if this is OCD, anxiety, or what or a combination, I have no idea and this has been going on every single day since April 2025 and obviously now it’s February 2026 so almost a year. I hate myself. I don’t want to sin though by doing that I just don’t know what’s wrong with me! And in April 2025 God/Jesus did bring me back to Him since I’d been doing horribly mentally and in survival mode and slipping into bad thoughts and such, but I don’t want it to be me at all and I’m so eternally grateful He’s brought me back and delivered me and transformed me.

But then I’m terrified I’m fake or “just was saved” April 2025 and not my whole life since I’ve been a Christian my whole life and remember being 8 and praying and wanting to be a Christian and even telling my friend about God/Jesus when I was 7 or 8 but I know I got lots of things wrong probably, I don’t even remember and I don’t want to lie or any of that!! I’m so scared and don’t know what’s wrong with me!