I feel so far from God, I feel like he's angry with me, that he's not listening to me. I'm not angry, I know he gives me what I deserve, and what I deserve is not what I want and makes me happy, but it's so hard to bear. Nothing works, to feel so useless and alone. I thought I was getting better but everything fell apart again. I haven't been able to recover for almost a year, I can't take it anymore. I try to become the best version of myself, to be a good person and to try to help everyone but it doesn't seem like it's enough. It seems like no one sees my efforts, not even my family, because I'm not what they want. I'm tired of being in survival mode, I'm tired of always telling myself "maybe this is better" or "it'll be okay" and it never happens. I'm an empty shell, nothing excites me, nothing makes me happy, I wake up just to go back to sleep. I don't know what I should do