I'm sacred my hearts to hard and I don't know how to believe and I'm losing my mind

I've been struggling ever since last year with intrusive thoughts. It started off as sexual images between me, other people and even evetewn God and Jesus. Then this year it was non stop blasphemous thoughts and I'm terrified because have moments where they stop but the silence is so hard to and know I'm terrified my hearts to shed and I'll never beloved because I don't even know how to believe in God and I'm terrified becsue i read and pray but it's like I can't find the meaning and it's like I'm reading air or wtv and nothing helps I'm so terrified. No matter how mcuh I read it's like my mind doesn't know how to make it real and I'm sacred because I'm not saved when I came back to God it was just reading the Bible I never asked him in my heart unless I'm sacred so I'll do it out of fear and I'm just so utterly terrified I'll always be this way I don't know how to let this fear go and trust God or even believe with saving faith know I do I pray and I pray but it's from fear or genuine love it desire to want him and I'm just sacred that I've committed the unforgivable sin because I'm rejecting God and Jesus and idk I'm losing my mind. I'm so sacred my hearts to hard and I ask for him to soften it but I don't how he can or if he will and I'm so lost so incredibly far beyond lost. I talked to a therapist and they said it's OCD but I don't even know how to rest in it becsue the thoughts say I don't. Therese so many each minute and they always scare me sometimes I don't know what they say or why I'm scared but I am. I need help so bad and I ask God but then I get stuck on how to accept it and what that even means and how he does it and I spiral and spiral until there's nothing left to do. I just want to have saving faith and a pure heart. I still pray go to church and study the word daily but I'm so scarred that I'm doing it for the wrong reasons and I'm terrified my hearts wrong each day is worse and each day God feels so far away and nothing makes any dang sense and it's like everything in the Bible has slots it's meaning and I'm losing it I keep praying but I'm terrified I've commited the unforgivable sin and I'm so lost and I'm losing it